Absolutely not.
For one simple reason: you will stop being yourself.
The moment you compare yourself to his mistress, you mentally put yourself on the same level as her.
You are his wife. She is the woman he hides.
You are the mother of his children. She is the woman for physical pleasure.
You stood by him through good times and bad. She came into the picture when everything was already in place.
See the difference?
There are two possible scenarios:
1. She’s trying to win him over and take him away.
She’s putting in effort to make him notice her more and more.
She will play a role, trying to appear better than she really is. She will smile, always want to and be able to, and most importantly, she’ll “understand” him in every way.
Because she has a goal. And that goal is simple: your husband.
2. He is the one pursuing her.
In this case, it’s the opposite.
He will idealize her and demonize you:
• She’s emotional; you’re hysterical.
• She’s calm; you’re boring.
• She’s fascinating; you’re irritating.
And all of this is his creation. He will convince himself of these ideas:
• Looking for flaws in you and virtues in her.
• Being rude to you while being affectionate with her.
• Ignoring you (even when you’re sick) while giving her maximum attention.
“So, what should I do?” you ask.
In the first case, you need to focus on being yourself. Be interesting and desirable, first and foremost, for yourself. Pay a little more attention to your husband and actively involve him in the family.
You don’t need to compete - you need to be the woman he fell in love with and chose as his wife.
In the second case, this is his conscious choice. He has decided that something is missing in the marriage and it’s time to seek love elsewhere. Competing is pointless.
The only thing you need to do in this situation is to preserve yourself - for yourself and your children.
Don’t degrade yourself. Don’t seek compromises. Choose yourself.
Let go of the resentment and pain. Boost your self-esteem. Get rid of the feeling of being “unwanted” or “worthless.”
And then, decide for yourself if this relationship is even worth it.
You deserve more than spending every day proving to a man who betrayed you that you’re better than his mistress. Isn’t that true?
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